Wow, I haven't written in almost three years. I've been wanting to write again for quite some time, but just never got around to it. Having babies will do that to you. I have a lot of thoughts I want to share in the coming months and hope you'll join me so that we may encourage one another.
For now, my very first post (now that I'm back) is on the topic of fear. How fitting, given my blog title. I hope you will stick with me through the history part at the beginning of this post as I share some very real, personal thoughts with you towards the end.
As some of you know, last fall I tasked myself with reading the Bible chronologically. Right now, this journey is taking me through 2 Kings, 2 Chronicles and Isaiah all at once! It has been a long six months of soaking in words from the Old Testament. Lots of Rebellion. Repentance. Miracles. Deliverance. Repeat.
It’s fascinating, frustrating and hard to read, all at the same time. I like learning history and seeing a grander picture of God. Trying to understand the Old Testament is, for me, like putting a bunch of puzzle pieces together. Ya’ll know me. Any opportunity to analyze and over-think things is a great opportunity, indeed.
Sometimes the stories seem so long ago and far-removed from me. And sometimes, a lesson from God smacks me right in the face. Today was one of those days.
Today’s story – King Hezekiah and the people of Judah being faced by the Assyrian army. (Did I just lose you right there? Hopefully not.)
A little background. Hezekiah is king of Judah. This is about 300 years after Saul, David and Solomon, so Israel and Judah had had a lot of Kings at that point. God had spoken many, many times to His people warning them of the dangers of idolatry and rebellion against Him. At this point, the Assyrian army has overtaken Israel and many of the Israelites have fled to Judah. Now Judah is being threatened by the Assyrian army.
In the passage I read today, the leader of the Assyrian army is taunting Hezekiah and the people of Judah.
“Come now, make a bargain with my master, the king of Assyria. I will give you two thousand horses, if you can put riders on them…
Do not let Hezekiah deceive you. He cannot deliver you! Do not let Hezekiah persuade you to trust in the Lord when he said, ‘The Lord will surely deliver us; this city will not be given into the hand of Assyria.’
Make peace with me and come out to me. Then every one of you will eat from his own vine and fig tree and drink water from his own cistern, until I come and take you to a land like your own – a land of grain and new wine, a land of bread and vineyards.”
He continued to taunt the people. He told them would have to eat their own filth and drink their own urine if they did not side with the Assyrian army.
Sorry, that’s graphic, but that’s the story.
When I read this, it resonated so deeply within me today. This leader of the army was doing everything in his power to make Hezekiah and the people of Judah make a FEAR-BASED decision. He tried to make them fear their God wouldn’t provide for them and even gave them the false promise that he would provide better.
Did trusting in more horses, chariots, or weapons sound appealing? Sure. Would better food and the promise of provision seem appealing? Sure.
Sound familiar? It does to me. There are lots of examples in the Old Testament of God’s people being told not to trust in chariots or numbers or the ways of the world because God is sovereign over those things. He provided miracle after miracle proving his abilities, his power. Parting the Red Sea. Manna from Heaven. The wall of Jericho. The Exodus. Too many stories to name.
I found myself asking myself the question: What do I put my trust in? I say I trust in God, but really, do I? When I’m honest with myself, I know I have allowed fear and anxiety to cripple me in so many forms, on so many days.
I get crippled thinking about finances. The future. Fear over if I’m making the best choice by working less and being home more. Fear over if I’m making the best choice by working at all. Fear over if I’m making enough of a difference as a Christian. Fear over whether I’m a good enough mom. Fear over friendships. Fear over family relationships. Fear over…well just about anything.
Now a shift to the story, and I hope this doesn’t scare some of you off.
I have had TWO dreams in the last few months about large pythons. Huge snakes. In one dream, I ran for my life, but the snake lunged after me and started swallowing my arm. Terrifying. In the other dream, the snake was high overhead me, coiling around the branch of a tree. In my dream, I knew the snake was currently choking the tree, then coming after me.
This is how I’ve let fear take me over at times. Literally, choking the very life out of me.
Have you ever felt that way?
I have tried to figure out how I’ve let fear into my life. I think fear creeps in, little by little. I think I've allowed it to because I’ve struggled with “hearing” the Lord…or “feeling” Him at times. I’ve had a lot more time at home the last year and half, time with my beautiful children, but also time away from all the busyness of a desk job. Lots of time to think. To analyze. To become paralyzed by fear.
I am beyond tired of living in fear.
The ONLY thing I should be fearing is the Lord. Period.
Prov 1:7 – The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.
Phillipians 2:12 – Continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling.
Friends, family, those I love…if you are struggling with fear, with anxiety, depression…this is not from God. I think of that huge python…choking the life out of me in my dreams. I have seen the python choking the life out of some of you as well.
I think of that army commander in the story, taunting God’s people. Twisting the truth. I think of the very garden where it all started…with the creepiest snake of all.
The perfect answer to solving the problem of feeling fear…I don’t know. It’s hard to tell you someone struggling with faith and fear to “just trust God.” Let’s be honest about that.
What I do know is this.
Faith gets activated in hard times. Faith gets activated in trials. God didn’t promise we would all have it easy. In fact, we are told to pray for our DAILY bread. Not to have the next five years figured out. Not to have the perfect plan. Just what we need for that day. So I’ve tried clinging to that in moments of fear. I just need to make it through this day. I just need the Holy Spirit to guide me through my decisions for THIS day.
We are commanded to cast our cares up on him.
So hard to do, when you don’t feel like God is answering your prayers. When there is no audible voice to be heard. No magic answer telling us to choose right or choose left when making a big decision. I have been so recently frustrated with this. And I know I am not alone in that. But what right do I have to be angry with God? If you read Job you will get a big wake-up call on that.
Instead, when I feel like I can’t hear him or feel him, I am clinging to the words of the Bible…Romans 8. That when I don’t know what to pray, the Holy Spirit is GROANING on my behalf. Groaning. Let that soak in a minute. So sometimes, these days, I just shut my mouth. I am approaching prayer that way lately because when I pray I just keep saying the same things and letting the same fears cloud my thoughts. Holy Spirit, you know how best to pray for me and those I love. I’m just simply selfish when I do the talking.
I am also learning this:
If I am making a decision out of FEAR, not faith, then it’s not a good one. I am still letting that one sink in and learning to avoid those decisions.
Friends, I encourage you to shut out fear and to be aware of it if it is controlling your life. Don’t let your life be choked out from you. Some of the fruits of the Spirit are peace and joy. No, I do not believe we will have these feelings every moment, but if you are living in fear every moment, or even in a lot of your moments, then rest assured, Satan is after you.
Join me in a heart-check if fear has crept in. You are not alone. This has been going on from the very beginning. Thankfully, God is a forgiving God. He will wrap you in His arms tightly and not let go. We must not waste our time fearing, but spend our moments faithfully clinging to him with every part of us. You don’t have to let fear cripple you anymore today. Join me in walking this out - faith, not fear!
I hope this blesses you today.
And if you've made it this far, thank you! I promise, my next post won't be this long.
