Ordinary Things and Thoughts on 33

I am 33 today. And I woke up this morning and can’t get this out of my head. “Do ordinary things with extraordinary love.” Or paraphrased: “Do small things with great love.”

I've heard it many times, but it's like I am hearing it with new ears. I think that will be my mantra this year.

My Facebook feed and phone has been lit up with Happy Birthday messages and sweet compliments all morning. Way to make a girl feel special.

But I know deep inside I am not an extraordinary person. And I don’t mean that in a self-degrading way. This doesn’t mean I don’t have confidence or am feeling low or anything like that. I 100% believe and recognize we are filled with the power of the Holy Spirit. I love the book of Ephesians and thinking about God’s presence and power in our lives.

But what I am saying is that I am an ordinary person and my days are filled with ordinary tasks.

I am a mom of three. I have nursed three babies, changed countless diapers, wiped noses, calmed tantrums, snuggled hard, disciplined, cooked more meals than I can count and cleaned up afterwards. It’s hard work. Some days I feel like I deserve a medal because we all got dressed and I cleaned all the toilets by 8 am. And other days I lose my temper and feel like I failed miserably.

Sometimes it can get lonely. And it can feel like no one says thank you. And I can get in a real pity party really fast.

Other days it feels like the greatest gift in the world.

But how many moms have done this before me and will continue to do this after me? How many moms are doing this right along with me?

So to learn to do these things with a smile on my face and joy in my heart, day in and day out. That’s a goal and that’s a gift. Do ordinary things with extraordinary love.

I’ve done nonprofit work for the last decade. I’ve worked in databases, crunched numbers, done fundraising. It was fun work and it was hard work. I was promoted and I was making a good wage. I took great joy and had great “pride” in my work. And I love, love the nonprofits I have had the joy to work with. But sitting in an office, day in and day out. It was ordinary. Working in Excel, ordinary. Sending thank you notes to donors. Ordinary.

But put God in the equation and multiply the efforts by all the staff members and thousands of donors. Then you see lives changed. Lives transformed. Lives healed. Now, that’s extraordinary. But me and my role? Ordinary.

My role now with Noonday: whether you see it as direct sales or a mission field (or both), what I personally do is pretty ordinary. I get dressed, put (a little) makeup on and get ready for the day. I take photos and share them. I gather with women at trunk shows, and I tell people about our products and our artisans in other countries. I have fun and I laugh and sometimes I get nervous. Sometimes my words come out well and sometimes I fumble. Sometimes I take my baby and he cries and I feel like I messed up.

But when you combine my ordinary efforts with the efforts of women all over the world who are Ambassadors, well, then there’s impact. There’s thousands of families whose lives are changed for the better by the opportunity Noonday creates. There’s great joy in this work. There’s also great challenge that can go along with it because it is heart and soul.

My husband is a teacher. He prepares lessons plans. He drives to and from work each day in a Prius. He grades papers. He doesn’t get paid “a lot” by today’s American standards. He works hard and loves his job. Combine him with all the teachers at the school and all the teachers across the world. Well, we all can agree that this is important work and many would say, THE most important work. He is part of something so much bigger than himself. The ordinary tasks he does all day long are a huge part of shaping lives. And he takes great joy in that. 

My favorite book of the Bible is hands down Ecclesiastes. It's been my favorite for years. Funny, since the phrase I remember the most from the book is the repeated phrase that “It’s all meaningless!” But before you think I’m crazy, let me explain. Solomon talks about all the “great” things he did. He built palaces and made money and did all these things. He did them well, but only to see others come after him and “destroy” what he did. So what was the point?

Now that sounds totally depressing but then there’s this:

The best thing in life, he concluded, was to eat, drink and be merry. Enjoy your life, your work and your loved ones. Don't sweat the small stuff. Don't toil. Don't fret. (All paraphrased.)

So that’s my mantra this year. Eat, drink, be merry. Enjoy my babies and my work. Continue to do my ordinary things and be brave. Continue to fight for others. Continue to love in small ways and trust that God will take my small ways and give them significance for His glory. Recognize that each phase is a season and there is a time for all things to begin and come to an end.

I will continue to recognize my own humanity and the “meaninglessness” of it all. Because it will all fade away. Because there’s something much bigger after this life.

The minute we put ourselves on a pedestal and think we did the great things – that’s the minute we crumble. That’s the minute we lose the point.

Alternatively, it is so easy for our efforts to feel too small or too ordinary or meaningless at times. 

But when our efforts are combined with God's power? They can become extraordinary.

So, what if we strike that happy balance? Where we humbly obey and don’t get proud when we “succeed.” Where we don’t worry if what we are doing is too small. Where we let the Spirit move within us and we are content where we are.

That is the goal for me right now. And for a type A, over-analyzing, recovering perfectionist…that’s a hard goal.

Do ordinary things with extraordinary love. Doing my best to put it into practice.

Thanks for reading.

The Why Behind the What...and "Owning It"

"The Why Behind the What...and "Owning It."' I hope that is a good title for this post today. This post is about me and life lately and what I am doing as a Noonday Collection Ambassador. I hope you will take a few minutes to keep reading.

So many people ask me: “How’s the jewelry stuff going?” or “How’s the Noonday stuff going?”

Thanks for being kind and asking how I am doing, even if you maybe don't understand what Noonday is and why I am doing it. This is exactly what I used to ask my friend and fellow ambassador, Amber, when I would check in with her about it. 

Now being on the other side of it, it is so different. It is so much more than “jewelry stuff.” It is so much more than sales and the commission check I get each month, although I am grateful for the blessing of a little bit of income for my family. So for those who are interested, here is a little bit of the why behind the what I am doing. This is also for me to read and reflect back on in a year or a few years as my life changes.

For me, it is taking the verse Isaiah 58:10 seriously and being the hands and feet of Christ, making opportunity for people that are "the hungry and oppressed." As uncomfortable as it makes me that others are oppressed and I am not, this is the reality. I’m not sure why I get to walk around some of the nicest cities near Nashville, enjoying safe, clean playgrounds and school campuses, shopping at Whole Foods while drinking my greens, and delighting in the luxuries of online shopping. But I do. And it’s easy to be comfortable with those things and there is nothing wrong with those things. In fact, those are some of my favorite things to enjoy.

And this is where it gets heavy, and this is not meant to create guilt. In my heart and in my head, I cannot sit in silence simply enjoying life and all those things while others are suffering. This is who God made me to be. I knew in college, I wanted a job that would "help people." That was about the extent of what I knew. Then that desire became, "I want to help girls with eating disorders" and that's why I went to work with Mercy Ministries for 9 years. Now it is a bigger question of "How can I help people?" again. I recently learned I am Enneagram Type 2 - the Helper, so this makes SO MUCH SENSE. This is who God wired me to be, even though I feel so small in a world so big. Even though I feel helpless and like I couldn't possibly be helpful, I'm "owning it" as people say these days.

There is real-life poverty right here in Nashville and all across the world. There are real-life slums and real-life people who don’t know how they are going to make ends meet tomorrow. There is real-life trafficking happening, real-life injustice. It may not be a part of my real-life, but it is a part of the lives of many. I wondered for so long how God could use someone like me to create an impact in such a big world with such big problems, and I am now feeling a sense of purpose being part of a organization, partnering with like-minded people, working to create actual solutions to combat the injustices that so many are facing. 

I know so many great people with great hearts, and we know we are called to help, but I don’t think we always know how. There is a part of us that is at a loss when thinking about these things because we also know we are called to take care of our own needs and our own families and maybe we are struggling to make ends meet and pay our bills each month, too. I have told myself so many times: “When the kids get older, I will volunteer more” OR “When I have more money, I will be able to donate more…” OR “When this happens, then (fill in the blank).” And all these things are true. I do intend to do those things. But also, I find myself asking, "What can I do, right now?" "How can I work towards solutions, right now?" "How can I teach my children to work and to love others, right now?" 

It is me reading Proverbs 31:17- “She sets about her work vigorously, her arms are strong for the task...” and not being able to stop thinking about it. I am not thinking so much about my hands and my work, but thinking about the artisans working and making new lives for themselves and their families because they were given opportunity. They just need opportunity. They need opportunity to not place their children in orphanages. They need opportunity to put food on the table. They don’t need a handout or one-time help, but sustainable, ongoing opportunity. People need jobs. People need to provide for their families. People were created to flourish.

So, that’s my update. I feel incredibly called to do this. But it is stretching me so hard right now. I have so much pride, and at the same time, so much self-doubt to work through. I am uncomfortable with posting selfies and jewelry and sale flyers and thinking that some might see it as superficial or unimportant. It is hard to try to explain all this in a 60-second update when someone asks how I am doing and how it's going. (Especially if I think they are maybe just asking to be polite.) I don’t like asking others to host trunk shows, but that is a part of what makes this work possible. I so strongly crave to be seen as genuine in this, and so the sales part makes me feel on-edge.

But I am getting past all those fears and little voices telling me those things. I am working on "owning it." I am trying to find balance in how to be a voice for those I am called to be a voice for. And I am trying to create a marketplace for them. I pray God uses me despite my insufficiencies, because I believe this is important. 

This is stirring up so much within me and I hope it stirs up action in the lives of others as well. This is way more than “jewelry stuff” for me. It is heart and soul. It is necessary. It is part of my growing process as I learn and discover how God will allow me to serve others and fulfill the calling on my life. I am so thankful for those who see the purpose and support me and, therefore, support Noonday Collection. To those that made it through this post, thank you.

Good Friday Reflections - and Entering Through the Needle

Easter is coming and soon we will celebrate His resurrection.  

But today is Good Friday and I reflect on his death. And I can't help but admit to myself that Jesus makes me uncomfortable.

Because God wired me so that when I am all in with something, I am really all in.

Because lukewarm is not okay in my eyes and it never has been.

So when I sing songs lyrics like “All I need is you,” I can’t help but question the motives in my heart. Is all I REALLY need and want Jesus?

Because sometimes I say I want Jesus, but what I really want is the Jesus that I get to pick and choose.

I want abundant life to mean comfortable life.

I want to think that His immeasurable works and abilities means that He will answer every prayer, every whim of my heart.

I can very easily choose to try make it all about me.

The Son of God says follow me. He does not even promise a place to lay our heads.
Well, I want my own home, and a nice one at that. I want it decorated and full of things that make me happy, and I want it clean.

He says pray for daily bread.

I don’t want daily bread. I want to buy what I want when I want, even if it’s on a credit card. I want beach vacations that we can’t afford and a full bank account.

I don’t want to worry about how to pay a bill or how I will retire or pay for my kids' college. I want more than enough.

He says pray and wait patiently.

I don’t want to wait. I want results NOW.

He says it is a blessing to suffer.

I don't want to suffer. I want 100% health and happiness and to never experience trials.

I don’t want to carry a cross.

He says to trust.
Sometimes I don’t.

He says to pray, to immerse myself in the word.

Sometimes I’d rather watch TV, to escape from reality.

He says it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the Kingdom of God.

Sometimes I feel poor and sometimes I feel rich based on who I am around. Perspective.

We live with credit cards but we live in the richest country in the world. We have Amazon prime and Instagram and so many resources and opportunities right in front of us. We are swimming in our stuff, Goodwilling on a regular basis.

But sometimes I feel like I don’t have enough. There is always someone with more.

Jesus says be humble.

My heart is proud and wants attention. I can find myself branded by my achievements, craving affirmation, struggling to keep up with it all.

Jesus says He will direct our steps.

I want to be my own boss, make my own rules.

Faith is supposed to move mountains but sometimes I feel stuck.

I am having trouble entering through the needle. I am in the Bible belt but sometimes being a part of the Kingdom feels hard to do here. It’s sobering when you realize you really take things for granted.

So I repent and the tears fall.

I remember the Spirit I received the moment I surrendered.

The peace comes.

His presence surrounds me.

I thank Him for his forgiveness.
I thank Him that He loves sinners just like me. 

For His death. His resurrection.

For James 4 that says: "Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, your sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail...Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will lift you up."

When I say, All I need is you, do I mean it? Will I really get there?

Lord, help me understand the way through the needle.
Help me to really understand the implications of being a follower of Christ this Easter Sunday.
Help my heart to really mean it when I say, "All I need is you."