Good Friday Reflections - and Entering Through the Needle

Easter is coming and soon we will celebrate His resurrection.  

But today is Good Friday and I reflect on his death. And I can't help but admit to myself that Jesus makes me uncomfortable.

Because God wired me so that when I am all in with something, I am really all in.

Because lukewarm is not okay in my eyes and it never has been.

So when I sing songs lyrics like “All I need is you,” I can’t help but question the motives in my heart. Is all I REALLY need and want Jesus?

Because sometimes I say I want Jesus, but what I really want is the Jesus that I get to pick and choose.

I want abundant life to mean comfortable life.

I want to think that His immeasurable works and abilities means that He will answer every prayer, every whim of my heart.

I can very easily choose to try make it all about me.

The Son of God says follow me. He does not even promise a place to lay our heads.
Well, I want my own home, and a nice one at that. I want it decorated and full of things that make me happy, and I want it clean.

He says pray for daily bread.

I don’t want daily bread. I want to buy what I want when I want, even if it’s on a credit card. I want beach vacations that we can’t afford and a full bank account.

I don’t want to worry about how to pay a bill or how I will retire or pay for my kids' college. I want more than enough.

He says pray and wait patiently.

I don’t want to wait. I want results NOW.

He says it is a blessing to suffer.

I don't want to suffer. I want 100% health and happiness and to never experience trials.

I don’t want to carry a cross.

He says to trust.
Sometimes I don’t.

He says to pray, to immerse myself in the word.

Sometimes I’d rather watch TV, to escape from reality.

He says it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for someone who is rich to enter the Kingdom of God.

Sometimes I feel poor and sometimes I feel rich based on who I am around. Perspective.

We live with credit cards but we live in the richest country in the world. We have Amazon prime and Instagram and so many resources and opportunities right in front of us. We are swimming in our stuff, Goodwilling on a regular basis.

But sometimes I feel like I don’t have enough. There is always someone with more.

Jesus says be humble.

My heart is proud and wants attention. I can find myself branded by my achievements, craving affirmation, struggling to keep up with it all.

Jesus says He will direct our steps.

I want to be my own boss, make my own rules.

Faith is supposed to move mountains but sometimes I feel stuck.

I am having trouble entering through the needle. I am in the Bible belt but sometimes being a part of the Kingdom feels hard to do here. It’s sobering when you realize you really take things for granted.

So I repent and the tears fall.

I remember the Spirit I received the moment I surrendered.

The peace comes.

His presence surrounds me.

I thank Him for his forgiveness.
I thank Him that He loves sinners just like me. 

For His death. His resurrection.

For James 4 that says: "Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, your sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail...Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will lift you up."

When I say, All I need is you, do I mean it? Will I really get there?

Lord, help me understand the way through the needle.
Help me to really understand the implications of being a follower of Christ this Easter Sunday.
Help my heart to really mean it when I say, "All I need is you."